I’m dyiiiiinngggg hereeeee

Wow, ok it’s been a while since I’ve bothered to do any kind of real exercise. I don’t mean climbing stairs instead of taking the escalator kind of exercise. I mean sweating, moving, aerobically exercising. It makes me realize how lazy I’ve been for a very long time. I put in my time tonight, right before dinner the minute I got home. I’m making a date with me, FOR me.

Maybe it’s the fact I’m facing forty in January and I don’t want to get there FAT, I dunno but I’m feeling like it’s time I do something about it. I’m not a big believer in ‘diets’ not in the gimmick sense of the word anyway, I just am going to cut out the junk, eat more sensibly and get moving. Like I said diets…I’ve been there done that. I’ve bordered on anorexia back in my younger days because of it. I’ve messed around with my metabolism and done some pretty extreme things in my younger days because my ex always told me I was fat. The thing is, I wasn’t. I was a size 8 and I’m 5’8″ tall with a medium bone structure. That kind of stuff can really mess with your mind. Tom has always told me that to him I’m beautiful and that means more to me than I can say.

I look back at pictures of myself back in those days and I think how lovely I really was. I didn’t see it then, I was looking at me through the eyes of someone who had extremely low self esteem by no fault of my own, I see it now there was nothing wrong with me.

So I’m getting off my ass, and putting it out here makes me feel vulnerable but it helps to see it in writing kind of like making a contract with myself that has witnesses, at least those that stop by from time to time.

Anyway, wish me luck =)

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