Good thing he’s not a size 14

Men as a rule have an ‘open mouth insert here’ default state. Depending on the sensitivity of their spouse or significant other as may be, this, can get them into serious trouble.

I’ve always maintained to Tom he is oh so fortunate to have a Wife with a good sense of humour. Of course this doesn’t mean I don’t take the opportunity to torture him when it’s presented. It’s like giving back a diamond, it’s against nature.

There is nothing funnier than that brief look of panic that crosses his face when something comes out of his mouth that A) Didn’t come out the way he meant or B)Should never have been uttered in the first place.

The other night we were laying in bed talking and somehow the subject got around to a trip back east that we took a few years back. During the latter part of the trip before we flew home, we hooked up with an old friend of his in Chicago to have dinner and see a Blue Man Group show(which by the way, while good, wasn’t as good at the Vegas show.)

Anyway, before we parted ways in the morning his friend gave me a hug and whispered in my ear “Thank you for being in Tom’s life I’ve never seen him happier”. I mentioned this to Tom and he says: “NYAHHHHHH”

*Pause*

Me: “Ummm Nyahhh?”

Him: “Uhhh”

Me: “You mean to say I don’t make you the happiest you’ve ever been?”

Him: “Umm of COURSE you have”

Me: “But that’s not what you said”

Him: “That’s not what I MEANT, what I MEANT was I’m a happy guy, he’s never seen me depressed or anything!!”

Me: “But that’s not what he said, HE said that being with ME has made you the HAPPIEST he’s ever seen you”

Him: “And it’s true!!”

I could see the sheen of perspiration on his brow from the glow of the clock radio.

Me: *STARE*

Him: “I can feel you staring at me”

Me: (laughing inside) “Uh huh?”

Him: (in child-like voice) “I love you….”

Eventually I laughed and let him off the hook (temporarily)

Me: “Had you worried for a bit there?”

Him: “I knew I was in trouble the minute I opened my mouth”

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