My toes are all thumbs

I’ve had an untold amount of foot trauma just about my entire life. In fact I’m surprised I still have two feet and all ten of my little piggies. Yes, I’m a klutz.

I just banged my big toe on the casters under our bed and it got me thinking on this subject.

For instance, when I was a kid city hall decided to replace the open ditches all down our street with sewers and sidewalks (how fancy!). This meant a lot of heavy equipment digging up the existing concrete. One guy didn’t ‘dial before he dug’ and broke a water line. In a kids world that is all good, NO BATHS and water running down the street to play in (ewwww). We were using chunks of the broken up concrete to dam up the water when I dropped a chunk on my big toe. Now not wanting to cry in front of my friends I pretended like it was no big deal even though it hurt like holy hell. After a while, so they didn’t think I was a wuss I told them I needed to get home for dinner. I hobble-ran home and the minute I saw my Mother burst into tears. I had badly hurt my big toe and the nail was already black. I won’t go into the details on what happened next(mostly because I can already see Tom skeeving) but it wasn’t pretty.

I’ve broken my big toe once and both baby toes twice. The big toe because I had stumbled over a curb (don’t ask) and the little toes. Once because I had turned my portable ironing board the wrong way with the big stability leg out in my path. I was so used to my normal toe clearance I didn’t realize it until too late. The other time was I banged it on a door frame. I mean seriously how dumb is that? What does my foot do flap around or something? Did the door frame jump out in front of my toes?

I fractured some bones on the top of my foot when I was moving out after my ex and I separated. He had backed the moving truck up to the curb, pulled out the metal walk way and then realized that the truck needed to move a bit more over. He told me to hold up the ramp while he repositioned the truck, me the idiot agreed. When he parked it once again it jerked and the ramp which was pretty heavy was jerked out of my hands and fell, yep you guessed it, on my foot. I was cross-eyed with pain but loaded the truck and moved into my own place anyway. I just didn’t take off my shoe… took me a couple of days to get the doctor and he said there wasn’t much they could do anyway.

When I decided that I needed to work out more (cough) I bought an elliptical machine. The company I bought it from was supposed to assemble it and have it delivered by two guys. Well one guy called in sick so the guy arrives at my door and asked the Boy (who was all of 14 at time I think) to help him carry it inside. BIG mistake. I stepped forward to help out but Chris lost his grip it fell on my foot while the guy moving forward and it TORE OFF a nail (yeah I know sorry, it’s gross, it grossed out the doctor and he’s a DOCTOR!)

I’ve a feeling I’m never going to have feet fit to ‘Pedi’

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One Response to My toes are all thumbs

  1. Tom says:

    As a footnote (*badoom*) you should add the number of times you’ve banged your toe on the coffee table, Hon!

    And yes, I skeeved right on cue!


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