One Short Story

Looking for pants that fit is not fun, especially when you’re round. When you factor in also that I am almost 5’9″ it is darn near impossible. I haven’t always been round but I’ve ALWAYS been tall and even more fun, most of my height is pretty much leg. So basically I’ve spent most of my life with the waist band of my pants up under my armpits and my pant legs flapping somewhere around the vicinity of my ankles but usually north of there.

I can usually get away with a pair of pants with a 32 inch inseam as long as they go nowhere near a dryer (and I don’t wear heels). On laundry day the dining room of our apartment looks like a tenement yard.

Being the daughter of a thrifty Scotsman, as a child clothes had to last a LONNNGGGG time. My Mom didn’t care much for pants on girls but the odd pair of pants I had were practically capris by the time I stopped wearing them. I desperately wanted jeans when I was little, I mean it was the 70’s, jeans were everywhere. I remember coveting a pair of bell bottoms one of my friends had and my Mom decided to knit me a pair. Yes I said knit. Even better she put a Scandinavian pattern around the bottom of these knitted bell bottoms. She meant well, I however made sure they met with an early accident. I only wish I got a picture of them, maybe somewhere in the slide archives…

I  did finally get to wear real jeans once I hit high school. At first it was jeans from a store call the Pant Factory. This was a store that sold knock-off “Le Cullotier” french cut jeans in all kinds of colours. I didn’t care they were still jeans. Once I got to senior high though all bets were off. It was designer jeans all the way baby. I wanted label.

I squawked enough about it that my Dad gave in and took me to a real store to buy a couple of pair. I didn’t share how much they cost to him until we got to the til and the lady gave him the damage. He played it cool until we got outside and then I got to hear for months about how stupid it was to pay THAT MUCH for a pair of “dungarees”. Needless to say those two pair lasted me until graduation.

Nowadays cost or parental interference isn’t the issue it’s FIT. I swear they expect every round girl out there to be round AND stubby (I mean hello not everyone is a 30 inch inseam!) For the past 16 years I’ve been a yo-yo when it comes to sizes and I’ve got the wardrobe to prove it. I’ve given up on ever being tiny again but I do want to get less round. I’ve been putting off buying more pants because I don’t want to STAY round and I dunno, maybe I figured if I had a sufficient number of trousers I would just stay that way and that’s just stupid. My favourite pair of “go to” casual pants met an unfortunate end lately when they were accidently put in the dryer. I mean I have more pants, its just that I did love that pair. So I went shopping today.

And whaddya know? After the initial panic attack and cursing of the skinny people of the world, I found a couple of 32 inch inseams and one freakin’ 34! I think this is the first time in my LIFE I found pants that actually dragged on the floor. Gave me a damn hot flash I was so giddy.

So yeah, I don’t want to stay round and I’m trying to do something about that but I’m also going to cut myself a little slack and not see spending money on pants when I’m not happy with my size as a waste of money. I will however not be sorry to see myself shrink out of them if I can and knowing me I will still be wearing them baggy ass or not cos a little of the Scottish wore off on me.

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