That Don’t Make it Junk

I received my couriered box of office crap a few days back. I had boxed most of what remained before I moved from my corner desk to the far wall dungeon and then more still when I did my stint working from home and my desk was “hoteled” out and then finally during the days leading up to the big changes I did a major clean out. Call me psychic.

The irony is some of the stuff I had designated garbage also arrived with my belongings, I just hadn’t had the chance to toss it in the trash because the office trash cans were usually overflowing on a daily basis.

At one time, many many years ago my desk looked like this:

That wasn’t the HALF of it either, it grew from there..mostly gifts from friends but holy hell. It became a tour stop for a while on head office orientation tours (no lie) and was featured in a recognition night video along with a waving fool (me) at the very end of it. The videographer had selected various people to interview and film as well as filming the interactions of people. Our Dept turned out to be featured quite a bit. They came up to me, asked to interview me in front of my desk circus and then like everyone else at the end of the interview asked me to smile and wave, so what was included of me in the end was a big stupid smile and the wave.  As I was leaving the hotel ballroom many of the various people I’d met through the years made a point to come up to me, some waving the same idiotic way I did haha.

Anyway! Back to my present, or near past, whatever you want to call it.

My junk!


See.. junk! And books.. some of them weren’t even mine…. oh well. Donations!


In amongst the junk though were some items that I didn’t want to part with, particularly the gallery of art from the boys when they were wee ones. I had displayed them in my cube proudly over the years but as they grew, and I moved they were relegated to a folder, but every now and then I would sift through them.


The picture of the family going to the park that Chris drew when he was little for instance. Me of the barrel-shaped body, large wide open arms and giant hands all the while being attacked by a giant winged creature and flinging his baby brother aside.  Check out the true life rendering of my out of control hair!

Sean’s ever so cool cartoon renderings… all freehand mind you (and no trademark infringement intended.. this is kid art folks!)

Or Chris’ lithograph of a bird (I think?)

Or Sean’s scarecrow who is missing his carrot nose.. but DOES have a crow. The details here slay me!

The kids projects weren’t the only ones in there.. on no! Here is a photoshop project of Tom’s putting various pictures of us into what was the Mazda 3 (my car-to-be at the time) wallpaper on our family home computer. I came home one day to find the wallpaper replaced with this one. Back then we all shared one computer and took turns making funny wallpapers to surprise the other. This was one of my favourites along with one where I made us all the heads of daffodils.

The “Tom” in the picture isn’t really him, but a guy that was in a used Ford ad campaign that looked like an angry and slightly creepy leather-clad doppelganger of Tom.

Then there is this made by my former assistant D.

The story behind this one was I got a case of what I can only assume was food poisoning after eating a big crunch. I was SOOOO sick, I had thrown up so violently that I burst the blood vessels in my eyes. When I came back to work they were still red. I had been in contact with him while I was at home sick and came back to work to find this picture greeting me. Ha! It made me laaaaaaaaaaaaugh. Still does. Love the details of the eyes and the chicken parts in the stream of vomit. We used to have such good laughs in the old days and there were lots of good practical jokes, like when this same guy, along with a couple of co-workers glued “McDonalds gives me gas” to the frame of my overhead bin. This was because, despite this being true and me articulating it now and then (burping gas mind you, not the OTHER kind) I kept eating it. I used to have a routine when I came in in the mornings; take off my coat, unlock my drawer and throw up my overhead bin cover while greeting the people around me. In the middle of the morning small talk this small white typed sign caught my I stopped what I was saying and said instead “McDonalds gives me gas??” and they all BURST out laughing. That sucker was GLUED tight too… it stayed there for ages. Haha good times.

Then there is the dancing monkey pencil, the matching monkey was with another friend/co-worker there. We used to bring out the dancing monkey pencil every now and then or have our “disco moments” chair dancing along with a cup I had with flashing lights at the bottom…. I guess you had to be there.  It WAS a way to lighten the mood when it was needed. I’m all about hard work livened up by moments of pure silly.


And then there was little Ms. Crankypants:


My self portrait of me in a bad mood. Again, the life-like unkept hair!

There were a few other items that hold memories for me. Like this guy, he has a few in one. This basset hound was the first item purchased in Canada testing a web purchasing security feature for ….. well lets just say a large world-wide organization. I was asked by said organization to end to end test for them, I was well thought of. That is one important Basset Hound, historic even. He is wearing a Winnie the Pooh tie given to me by one of my former bosses, a lovely man who also happened to be a Pooh freak (his words.) There is also a PIN that Tom gave me from one of his former employers attached to its ear.


Then there was this guy, fondly christened Barnaby Owen Backstabber. I saw this in a bookstore in the States many years ago and had to pick it up. It is touted as an anger management tool (tongue-in-cheek of course) and accompanied by a little book full of joke voodoo curses. This little guy was stabbed by many a person over the years as therapy (not just me.) A little passive-aggressive office fun.


Most of the stuff is going in the tip, I mean I have enough clutter around here as it is that I’m slowly trying to purge, but I’m glad to have my kids drawings safely back in my hands, in the end they were really all I cared about.

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