These Eyes

One of the directives from my optometrist was to wear my new glasses “more often” in order to get used to progressives, so I’ve pretty much kept them on my face, at least after driving home without them. I say “pretty much” because I have had the habit of removing and leaving them lying around pretty ingrained in my psyche. The Opticians said that was probably a good idea to not drove home with them initially because everyone adapts at a different pace.

I did test them out driving a short distance from the grocery store to home and to my surprise and yes in fact delight, everything felt completely normal. That is until I parked my car and tried to walk with them on. My eyes have a natural tendency to look down towards the ground when I walk, probably because of the number of times I’ve tripped over something, hey I am a natural klutz.  I tell ya though, looking through the bottom of progressives when you walk is TRIPPY… a whole different kind.  I’ve received a lot of advise from those experienced with wearing these babies, the best being point your nose at what you want to look at. The only time I should be dropping my eyes is to see the fine print so lesson learned.

I also discovered that if you turn your head round and round in circles with your eyes open it is all like WHOA! Also? Things that are normally rectangle go all..all…parallelogramy on me if I tilt my head a certain way like my computer screen.  See! It is doing it RIGHT NOW!  I know, don’t do that would be the simple answer but I can’t seem to help myself.

Here is a short pictorial history of my glasses starting with my very first pair. I started wearing glasses after my Dad finally admitted after my mom insisted for ages that my right eye was looking at the side of my nose an awful lot. It would turn in when I was embarrassed or lying. A small part of my Mom probably regretted having my squint eye corrected as it acted as a built-in lie detector which may have come in handy in my teens. Alas, the good parenting won out but for the first 7 or so years of my life I thought everyone had a slightly wibbly partial twin that stood beside them. I didn’t actually think of it as a twin, I just thought everything looked that was normally. Also? The horizon ended for me somewhere between 2 or 3 blocks. I will never forget my sister insisting she could see a lighthouse from my Grandmother’s attic and I thought she was just having me on. It wasn’t until I returned to Scotland years later I found out she was telling the truth.

I think I still have my actual first glasses somewhere, a kind of twisted souvenir maybe… but they were so incredibly butt ugly, not to mention stylized for an elderly lady from the mid 1950’s so I couldn’t help myself. What were my parents thinking?

From there I graduated to some kind of stop-sign shape, but at least was from the 70’s!  (orange teefs courtesy of the cheesies and orange soda-pop!)

After my turned in eye was corrected I pretty much stopped wearing glasses until I started working in front of a PC on a regular basis in the late 80’s. Prior to that I was squinting at a tiny banking system monitor but I was still in denial. Once I saw the eye doctor again and he broke the news to me that my eyesight had peaked and was starting its slow descent I swallowed my hatred of glasses and wore them for work. I don’t have any pictures that I can dig up of me wearing the glasses, though they were on the larger side and were burgundy monstrosities. I was working in loans then and I found despite my being relatively young, I COULD come across as somewhat intimidating if I slid them down my nose and looked at people over the rim. It was around then too that I learned my depth of field was meh and was sent to a specialist because my two eyes don’t actually work together that well, my bad eye focuses quite a bit more slowly too. So many years of training my right eye to not stare at my nose makes it all but impossible for me to cross it. I’ve freaked out more than a few people doing this for fun. Anyway turns out my depth of field isn’t the greatest. The specialist said in other words I could fly a plane I just couldn’t land one.

Then came the pair below. I got it into my head that perhaps a rounded frame wasn’t the way to go but I still was not in the right style. They were too narrow and it turns out wouldn’t hold the thicker of my two lenses in place very easily. The lens popped out all the time, starting with the first day I wore them to work. I was on the phone with the company help desk, one of them had called me on an issue they’d had reported and while the guy was chatting the lens dropped onto my desk but silently. The world suddenly went completely sideways and I thought I had a stroke or something. What a weird feeling. Then we went on vacation and the lens decided to abandon ship while we were on the plane (where this photo was taken) probably not the smartest move because it was hell trying to find the damn thing in that small seating space.

On board finally!!

Then they were these…yeah…
New glasses

I wasn’t really fond of them either but the lenses stayed in and the frames didn’t completely crush my temples. I still have them but I think they are my back-up glasses in the emergency kit.

These ones below were my go-to pair. I don’t think they particularly suited me but they were comfortable and I think I wore them the longest out of any of my glasses. So much in fact that the coating on the metal was started to wear off.

old specs

Which brings me to my new ones, the progressives.

New specs

And you know what? I don’t hate them. I think that is the first time I’ve ever said that about any glasses I have owned. It took going through the entire inventory of Pearle Vision to find them but I don’t hate them.


That simple statement means I will actually wear them, you know, in public.

Also? Holay amazeballs the small print on pill bottles? I can actually READ it now! In all honesty I don’t know if I have EVER been able to read that small print completely clearly. I mean I’ve been able to read it BETTER than I have in the last few years but I’m talking 100% completely clearly, like actual WORDS and stuff.

So in the end, sucking it up and getting the progressives has been so worth it. I can wear them walking around, I can wear them driving and yes, I’ve even done stairs successfully (I just don’t look through the bottom woooo!) Sidewalks, particularly those with the dips at curbs for wheelchair/buggy accessibility are still a bit weird but all in all I think I can safely say I’m used to them now and I would never go back.

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2 Responses to These Eyes

  1. Tom says:

    Holy crow, my nose looks HUGE at that angle!

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