Jumpin’ Jack Flash

Over the years I’ve had my share of “wardrobe malfunctions” . Janet Jackson? Well she doesn’t have a corner on that market and at least mine were really accidents.

The first one that I recall involved a bathing suit that came with a strap that wrapped around the neck and hooked on the front of each side. Back in those days tanning was something I practised actively (bad bad!) and though after an entire summer I generally got slightly darker than the shade the average Caucasian sports in the winter (if I was lucky) I didn’t want to spoil that awesome (cough) tan with tan-lines. I called it my “Bee suit” because it was all black and had a dipped “V” in the neckline  with yellow and black stripes, you know, like a bee. My nickname is Bee so it was my favourite suit. This particular summer I was at a pool party with a group of my high school friends and I was paddling around in the pool wearing my bee suit without the neck strap. You see where this is going? People would like to swim around under water and occasionally yank the legs of an unsuspecting paddler and haul them under water. I got yanked under and came up spluttering, the top of my suit however decided not to. I can’t remember who was in the pool at the time and who exactly got an eye-full of my jubblies but I was mortified. It was a valuable lesson I learned on that day kittens, the strap is there for a reason.

I’ve had my share of embarrassing incidents over the years at work too. For instance when I was a teller I tucked a full skirt into my pantyhose after a bathroom break and strolled out into the branch that way. Another from the same era, when calf length pencil skirts with the buttons up the back were in fashion I didn’t notice it had gradually gotten easier to take full steps (rather than the baby steps I’d normally have to take) and each button slowly become undone until it reached the top. In both cases a co-worker alerted me to my tush flashing by a.) yanking my skirt dramatically out of my pantyhose and b.) asking if I knew all my buttons were undone on my skirt. If I knew?!?

I’ve had blouse buttons fly open in front of executives, I’ve had a bra strap suddenly break in the back come flying out of my top and one “girl” visibly drop a couple of inches in front of a customer, all while discussing an important piece of business. I will give you this, the guy kept a straight face for a few seconds but he couldn’t meet my eye without the humour showing and we both ended up laughing.

Good grief, tell me this stuff happens to everyone or do I just have bad luck?

All this leads me to this past Monday. I have a short neck and as a result I prefer to wear scoop neck or V neck tops. We’re not talking severe cleavage baring tops just you know, V necks. I had just finished the weekly shopping we do for my Mom who lives in an assisted living facility and had an armful of bags. One of the requirements is to sign in and out when you visit so they are aware of who is in the building at any given time. Somehow while putting the bags down on the ground my cross-body purse strap caught on my top and pulled down one side so I um kind of “popped out” on that side (granted I WAS wearing a bra). To make matters worse there were a couple of elderly gentlemen sitting in the seats opposite to where the sign-in book is who had a full view. I quickly fixed myself up and glanced at the two fellows who both had the biggest grins on their faces. I slowly started to die inside when one piped up and thanked me. I held it together until I saw the VERY condemning expression on the face of a lady who I guess had caught the whole show incident, then I started to giggle. I decided not to mention this to my Mum because I would rather not be known as her flashing daughter and I’m hoping whoever actually witnessed this incident happens to suffer from short-term memory loss, after all, I  go there on a regular basis!

This entry was posted in Accident prone, Blush. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Jumpin’ Jack Flash

  1. Cary McNeal says:

    Dang, I need to follow you around with a camera! I’m missing all the free shows.

  2. americanuck says:

    Think of the reality show it could make!

  3. mooneyelabs says:

    Ha! Coincidentally Nancy Grace had her own “wardrobe malfunction” the other day! What timing I had to read this now…

    You and Tom are so funny – perfect that you happened to find one another!

    —sueh

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